Hard days

Somedays are a lot harder then others to stay positive and to not just throw it all away. Today is one of those days, sometimes it seems like no matter what I can’t just snap out of my head and my funk. Everything I do back fires and that hopelessness starts to creep in. Once that starts that little voice in the back of my head starts to whisper and the idea of getting my relief by getting high sounds better and better. It is crazy how fast it happens but it is very scary and very difficult sometimes to fight it off. I am so thankful that I have not used today and won’t before I go to bed because i have a few tools to help. I pray tomorrow is a better day

apathetic---interest
Go big or or go home!!! i struggle with putting full effort into things because I have a huge fear of failure. So I used to not give 100% so I always had a cop out if things didn’t workout, and when they did I would brag that I succeeded without giving my all and I would get this ego that I am so superior to others. What the hell was wrong with me, that was such a sick and cowardly way to live. Now I would rather give my all and fail then half ass anything and do ok. I want to find my calling and being decent or sort of into things is not the way of doing that.

Go big or or go home!!! i struggle with putting full effort into things because I have a huge fear of failure. So I used to not give 100% so I always had a cop out if things didn’t workout, and when they did I would brag that I succeeded without giving my all and I would get this ego that I am so superior to others. What the hell was wrong with me, that was such a sick and cowardly way to live. Now I would rather give my all and fail then half ass anything and do ok. I want to find my calling and being decent or sort of into things is not the way of doing that.

apathetic---interest

bombing:

cop: who the hell ordered all these pizzas

me: you said i got one phone call

lol, last time I was in jail it was Memorial Day and I tried to order a bunch of burgers and milkshakes for my 4 person cell. I seriously had the cop thinking about doing it until he got a call and had to leave. Instead of coming back with our burgers he brought us another inmate, which made it 5 of us in a two bed/person cell. Needless to say we were pissed at the new dude for the next two days!!!

Strange sighting

So last night I was walking out onto my deck to have a smoke and I glanced up and saw something. It looked like a shooting star, but it was almost as large as the sun and had a trail of fire!!! It was like nothing I’ve ever seen before, and I star gaze a lot. My ex said it was maybe a UFO!!! I think that it possibly was, but whatever it was, it was breathtakingly beautiful. I hope to see it again soon while I’m on my deck meditating or star gazing so I can figure it out

saucerfulofheroin
Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.

Robin Sharma (via severs)

This hit me like a brick…

(via knitting-books)

Wow….. How easy it is to fall into a rut, while using my life was so fucking boring now looking back with a clear head. Wake up and get high, work so I can buy more, get off and buy dope, go home and get high till I pass out, and repeat!!!! Wtf kind of life is that!!!! I do more in a single day now that I am clean then I used to in a fucking month. Fuck routine like that, I want to live!!!!

Beach BBQ at sunset tonight was a blast!! Good food and good people with an amazing view is never a bad way to spend an evening. At the end I was able to drive some of the more intoxicated people home safely. I am grateful to be given another chance at life and I need to make sure I give back and help others. I know how much I’ve been helped lately and I appreciate everything and everyone in my life today